Strawberry
Thursday 20th November
A conversation between one of H’s clients and H. The details have been changed to protect the terminally stupidinnocent.
Dear H,
I did a search on your system for jelly flavours, and I wanted strawberry, but strawberry didn’t show up. Can you fix it so strawberry appears at the top of the list when I search for all jelly flavours?
Yours annoyedly,
A. Client
Dear A. Client,
There are thousands of jelly flavours and the system returns a selection according to your search criteria. By restricting your search to only red jelly flavours, strawberry will definitely show up. Or, if you’re sure you want strawberry, you can simply type ’strawberry’ in the flavour selector.
Yours helpfully,
H
Dear H,
I don’t want to type strawberry. Nor do I want to restrict my search. I want to search for ALL flavours, and for strawberry to show at the top of the list. Strawberry is, after all, my favourite flavour.
Yours unreasonably,
A. Client
Dear Mr. Client,
Would you like the moon on a stick, too?
Yours sarcastically,
H
Dear H,
Yes please, but make sure it’s waxing gibbous and the stick is made of silver birch.
Yours obliviously,
A. Client
Dear Mr. Client,
Unfortuantely, our system no longer supports strawberry.
Yours vengefullly,
Simon's Tall
20 Nov 08 at 1:59 pm
Dear Mr. Client,
We suspect it might be a problem with your computer. We are sending you an “iLART dongle” which will help us with your complaint. Please plug it in to the usb port on your computer and make sure the boxing-glove is facing towards your face. Then click OK to perform the user test.
Yours UsingNecessaryForcefully,
sweavo
20 Nov 08 at 2:36 pm
That sounds very familiar.
Solution:
Dear Mr. Client
Our apologies for this error. Whenever you encounter it in future, simply press Alt+F4, and it will disappear!
Kouros
20 Nov 08 at 6:54 pm
Tries alt+F………………………….
Bollox
lordhutton
20 Nov 08 at 8:53 pm
Shame it wasn’t by phone. Always good to say things like ‘one moment sir, I need to just grab a new ID-10T form so I can report the problem.’
Omally
24 Nov 08 at 6:25 pm
So “H” works at a jelly/jam factory?
Debster
25 Nov 08 at 2:21 am
Haha… it actually was on the phone, Mally… I shall pass on that advice
Debster, she doesn’t, but I don’t want to get her in trouble when her clients/bosses find the blog
stu
25 Nov 08 at 9:38 am