Covered in Shit for Christmas
Saturday 23rd December
Quite literally. And not just my own. My neighbours shit and their neighbours’ shit.
It all began when I decided to investigate the pong and overflowing from our drain - it’s quite fun but alarming when you empty a warm bubble bath and the foam starts squirting up around the sides of the ‘airtight’ manhole cover.
So yesterday, work finished at 3pm (hooray!) and I rushed home eager to lift the cover and get the drain rods out. After an hour of rodding, nothing was moving so I admitted defeat, had a bath, threw the overalls in after me and phoned a drain specialist.
The drain specialist promised he’d phone at nine in the morning and get someone out to have a look. I turned down a night out due to having to be up early for the drain man. By ten o’clock when he hadn’t called I thought I’d phone another drain man. He came round at 11:15. Not bad!
We lifted the cover, he had a look and then decided to look under next-door’s cover. They’re students and are now not there, so he jumped over the wall and lifted the cover. Ugh. Not nice. Didn’t anyone tell them not to flush condoms? Anyway… a quick rod there and nothing happened. So on to two doors down - sorry… you can’t look at our drains. Ok. On to three doors down… “Hi, can we look at your drains?” “Yes…” so we went to look at the drains. Full. Stuff seeping out of the ground. Mmmm!
Next door down… this is where it meets the main sewer. Still blocked.
So our chap send me down to jump over the wall and rod next door’s while he does magical things with the one at the end. I get covered in shit. Normally I wouldn’t mind (well… you know… it’s a realative term), but by now I don’t have overalls because they’re in the bath soaking after yesterday’s “getting covered in shit” exploits.
So my combats and my fleece are covered in shit. Lots of it.
Anyway… turns out that it’s a problem for Severn Trent to deal with, which they’ll do for free and almost instantly (apparantly). And he only charged me £133.12 £113.12* including VAT and credit card surcharge to tell me that.
(*Sarah put in £20 since she’d like to use the loo, as well)
I asked if there was a discount because I had become covered in my neighbours’ shit and he said unfortunately not. He then asked me if I could write neatly, and could I help him fill in his Christmas cards. I am not making this up! I told him to fuck off. (in a polite but firm manner, of course)
I’ve been told not to internalise emotion, so I hope you enjoyed my externalisation.
It’s really not all that bad, though. It gave me a blog entry and something to do when I could have been out starting my christmas shopping (yeah… I know)
Merry Christmas!
That’s one of ned’s unfavourite and too-frequent tasks. It’s almost tolerable when it’s your own poo, but someone else’s is horrid.
JG
23 Dec 06 at 1:02 pm
I would have said to him ‘yeah - I’ll do your cards for you’, then when the last one was finished I would have said ‘That’ll be £133.12, and I only take cash’, cheeky bugger!
Loretta
23 Dec 06 at 1:43 pm
Mmmm, shitty manholes. We moved house to escape having to do ours which only ever seemed to need doing on Bank Holidays, and gave up calling a man out because the only tool they had that we hadn’t was a set of drain rods and a pressure washer. We bought both and successfully cleared massive drain blockages thereafter. Still not a nice job though.
Carol
23 Dec 06 at 3:00 pm
I’ve never successfully rodded a drain - it’s been more complicated each time. Maybe I need to get a pressure washer. Or just move somewhere with sensible drains
stu
23 Dec 06 at 3:20 pm
i think your neighbours should split the bill with you.
slip a pre-emptive invoice through the letterbox of every household that benefitted before the twunts try to wriggle out of it.
happy wossnames!
henry
23 Dec 06 at 3:23 pm
Oh Stu! What a horrible job.
Hope you bought a lottery ticket….. could be your lucky day.
Trouty
23 Dec 06 at 5:37 pm
won’t the water board do that for fre… oh.
sweavo
23 Dec 06 at 5:54 pm
What a shitty way to start Christmas!
Dakota
23 Dec 06 at 7:50 pm
Yeah, sweavo… what happens is the drains block at number 19 and…
1) Number 19 calls the water board and the water board unblocks them. End.
Failing that, the problem backs up to number 17:
2) Number 17 calls out a drain specialist to clear their drain. The specialist discovers a greater problem and checks number 19’s drain and spots that it’s blocked. GOTO 1.
Failing that, the problem further backs up to number 15:
3) Number 15 calls out a drain specialist to clear their drain. The specialist checks number 17 and then number 19 and finds that it’s a greater problem. GOTO 1.
Failing that:
4) By now, the raw sewage is seeping out of the ground at number 17. GOTO 2.
Failing that, the problem backs up further to number 13:
5) Number 13 calls out a drain specialist to clear their drain. The specialist checks number 15 and then number 17 and then number 19 and finds that it’s a greater problem. GOTO 1.
Failing that you get the situation we had.
stu
23 Dec 06 at 9:32 pm
Dear neighbours,
As you are no doubt aware, our sewers have been backing up for a number of days now.
As the poor unfortunate person at the end of our shared spur, i have recently received a large number of “presents” from yourselves as the sewer backed up to its ultimate end in our garden.
Obviously i had to do something about this and have , after trying myself, called an expert to diagnose the problem. After many messy hours, and with some, limited, assistance from yourselves we traced the problem and got it sorted. So i am sure you will be happy to hear that this issue should not continue over the festive period.
If any of you would like to contribute to the cost of this repair work on our communal sewer it would be gratefully received as a bill of nearly £150.00 is not what anyone needs at this time of year.
I sign off wishing you all the best for the coming festivities, and hope you get much better presents than we have received so far.
many thanks
Stu
(the smelly guy at the end.)
grom
24 Dec 06 at 1:47 am
Worth a try…?
grom
24 Dec 06 at 1:49 am
Sorry I couldn’t affrod to give you more towards it dood.
*keeping my fingers crossed for a less stinky Christmas day for all, and another job for myself asap*
sarah
24 Dec 06 at 10:10 am
Hahahaha *ahem* sorry… Not good; I was only talking about this the other day after watching a Discovery channel documentary… Eww
DoGGa
24 Dec 06 at 9:56 pm
The things some guys will do to avoid Christmas shopping… tsk
Rob
24 Dec 06 at 10:51 pm