Beard
Tuesday 20th March
A poem warning on the dangers of growing a beard:
Beard by Stu
Oh beard, I love you,
but you prevent me
from sucking a mug
to my face
when I am thinking hard.
Damn you.
Damn you to hell.
Damn you and your efficacy
in preventing facial vacuum.
Nice poem.
I had to look up efficacy; I thought it was a misspelling!
UKCodeMonkey
20 Mar 07 at 3:32 pm
HAHA Yes! I can imagine how annoying that is.
It’s for your own good though, I did that once and made my face go all red and itchy. :-S
Alistair
20 Mar 07 at 3:42 pm
UKCodeMonkey: I had to look it up, too… just to be sure
Alistair: You have to know when enough is enough on the old mug-sucking. Obviously you have learnt your lesson.
stu
20 Mar 07 at 3:44 pm
my mother used to say that the popular entertainer, mr engelbert humperdink, looked as if he had been sucking glasses.
what about a pygmy-goatee? you might get away with it with one of them.
henry
20 Mar 07 at 3:49 pm
You could always get rid of the beard! Radical idea I know.
Helen
20 Mar 07 at 3:50 pm
I haven’t inspected Mr. Humperdink in details, Henners. I shall do so forthwith.
Is that a hint, Helen?
stu
20 Mar 07 at 3:53 pm
We all know I’m not a fan of facial hair, but I’m even more against it if it means you can’t suck a mug to your face. How can you survive without one of Gods greatest gifts, the face-to-mug suction???? (Should that be mug to face?)
Claire
20 Mar 07 at 7:00 pm
Facial hair also stops dust masks and gas masks fitting properly. Of course in your line of work, I don’t suppose that’s too important
Safety Boy
20 Mar 07 at 7:06 pm
Henry seems to manage perfectly well with his lovely beard. Don’t give up so easily, Stu!
Trouty
20 Mar 07 at 7:06 pm
Beard. BEEEEEEEEARD.
plume
20 Mar 07 at 8:38 pm
Have you ever tried sucking 330ml coke bottles? That’s fun until you make the mistake of sticking your tongue in and struggle to get it out again!
UKCodeMonkey
21 Mar 07 at 8:27 am
My mum told me when I was young to never trust a man (or woman for that matter) with a beard. They always have something to hide and it is normally their chin.
I dislike Goaties (in the facial hair way, not the goat type way), since it is an half arsed attempt at a full beard.
Rollasoc
21 Mar 07 at 9:14 am
Ow… you just made me cringe, UKCodeMonkey.
Rollasoc: A goatee would be far too much effort for me. Plus I’m not generally keen on the look. But it would aid mugsucking.
stu
21 Mar 07 at 10:02 am
Take your beard trimmers and a jar of beetroot to work.
At the start of the day dip the rim of your regular mug in beetroot juice.
Then, when the mug falls off your face, go to the loo and shave off all the purple bits of beard. Hey presto, an airtight seal.
NOTE: Do NOT put a beverage in. Pour a drink into another cup and leave it in the kitchen. This will start the tea-memory-effect that will cause you to drink from your empty cup so that the beetroot imprint is in exactly the right place.
sweavo
21 Mar 07 at 10:32 am
By jove, I think you’ve got it, sweavo.
stu
21 Mar 07 at 10:36 am
You have to ask yourself - what’s more important to you? Looking sexy or sucking mugs? ***oops, does that sound dodgy? Ah, well…***
Kika
21 Mar 07 at 11:58 am
Ok… I think I’m picking up your views on the beard, Kika. Though the joy of sucking mugs should not be underestimated.
stu
21 Mar 07 at 12:02 pm
Having never sucked a mug, what are the benefits?
stefan
21 Mar 07 at 1:20 pm
Erm… ok stefan, you’ve got me there.
Ah… I know… you should try it, then it’ll become abundantly clear what the benefits are… it’s hard to explain.
stu
21 Mar 07 at 2:26 pm
mmm… interesting, a fine balance between keeping the shirt dry and chocking on the tea… I can certainly see the appeal.
stefan
21 Mar 07 at 3:07 pm
The mug is supposed to be empty.
I tend to mugsuck when I’ve decided that I’d like a cuppa, but have a niggling problem I’d like to solve before I go. So there I am, thinking hard, with a mug in my hand… before long, my face* is in the mug and I’m sucking away.
(*the lower part thereof)
stu
21 Mar 07 at 3:10 pm
Ah… I see
stefan
21 Mar 07 at 3:39 pm
In those situations where a mug needs to be sucked, but one’s beard does not allow it, one can resort to a mug sucker proxy.
Simon's Tall
21 Mar 07 at 10:42 pm
*goes and grabs a mug to experience this phenomenon*
DoGGa
23 Mar 07 at 7:47 am