It was a year ago today that I posted the following:

The good bits:

I was given an impromptu day off at 9:30.
I went for a lovely bike ride.
I went to see my mum and stepdad for a cup of tea at 10am.
I had a lovely phone call from my favourite lady in the world.
I realised how special that lady is.
I saw some lovely friends.
I realised how lovely and caring those friends are.
I had a phone call from Birmingham saying the wedding rings are ready.
I picked up those wedding rings. They’re fantastic!
I have time to visit the gym each morning and get fit and healthy.
I have time to find good ingredients and cook exquisite food.
The world has become my oyster… I can do anything I like.

The downside:

I don’t have a job.

Worse than that:

The TEABAGS RAN OUT! I could NEARLY DIE!

Well, it’s been a tough year. But I’ve heard of at least a couple of people who went on the same day who still haven’t found anything. I pretty much saw that coming, looking at the position I was in, specialist employer, a little behind the times in some technical respects (in my position, anyway), my age – I’m not exactly using a zimmer frame, but I’m no young bright graduate either.

I think it was day 2 of my redundancy when another of the chaps invited me to lunch and I turned him down… “I have things to do today”. I think that was the day I built the first incarnation of my website (which was not very good), got some business cards ordered (their backs are now used for shopping lists because they’re not very good) and that sort of thing. I can’t imagine waking up in the morning with nothing to do. And I count phoning useless agencies as ‘nothing to do’ because you may as well sit with your feet up and a cold beer than phone agencies I’ve found.

But I didn’t need agencies because they weren’t going to find me a job, I was going to make a job.

Sure, I stayed on the books, went to a couple of interviews (failed one probably because I sat in the interview technical test thinking ‘why the flipping blip would I want to do this with my time?’) and another nominally because my ex-boss’s’sboss-type-person was, I quote, ‘reluctant to give a reference’. Oh and another because I was completely unsuitable before I even turned up (but electronic bladder scanning is not the most glamorous job in the world). So with nothing turning up, the photography ramped up.

To begin with, I felt like a fraud. Seriously. I joined the BIPP and went to their meetings and felt like I shouldn’t be there. I wasn’t a professional photographer – I hadn’t even done any commissioned work. But I stuck with it. I am not going to pretend the year has been easy – it has been a living nightmare at times – but it has had hope and reward in roughly equal measure.

Through the BIPP mentoring programme, I have specialised, focussed and educated myself. Here’s the first portfolio panel I presented them with in February this year (it’s very small, but you get the idea – online display of photos isn’t my strong point har har!):

Comments were generally good. There were photos my mentor didn’t like, but could offer constructive advice to improve. The most important thing is that he said I had an eye, could ’see the light’ and had potential.

But I still felt like a fraud.

The last panel I submitted for mentoring (in July) appears below. The creativity has dropped a little, but I realised I was running before I’d learnt to walk in a straight line. What is present is consistency. Correct exposures every time. Composition of groups and so on. When the creativity is allowed back, built on this foundation, I believe there will be some really high quality work coming up…

Even that looks out-dated to me now. I’ve done so much since July that’s better! I must get my new panel together and hopefully qualify with it in the next round of assessments!

So anyway… tough year, major shock on the day, best thing that ever happened to me. And the support from my most lovely lady who trusted me while being absolutely scared stiff of what was going on (my estimation – scaredness level may go up or down) has been crucial. Thanks H, you’re a star! And friends and family, you’re all stars, too!

Anyone who has one of my ‘early’ signed prints would do well to look after it carefully. Just in case…