Wow… I’ve been blogging for five years as of yesterday. Ok… it was a little infrequent to start with… but all the same.

I did one of those excel spreadsheet quizzes which had a list of cryptic clues for band names. There follow some of my initial wrong answers which I think should be band names…

(hover your mouse over a name to see what each one should have been)

Traffic Jam Clam
Dwarf Garage
Greenhouse Brawl
Doll Century
Mouse Vendors
Graveyard Macs
Joyous Mandarin Samurai
First Day Fun
Jelly Bounce Mississippi
Miller Night Train
Morgue Babies
Burning Crusoe
New York Slide
Ponyshoes
Dadbutt
Flower Bricks

I am extremely grateful to my mum because now that I’m old enough to actually play music, the organ lessons she let me take from an early age mean that I have sufficient technique to get all my fingers in the right places.

Despite around 10 years off, I still seem to be able to read music and translate that into sound. And now that I’ve experienced some life, I can actually put my heart into it instead of methodically hitting the right keys at the right time.

Thanks mum.

I suggest if you have kids who play an instrument, make them get up to at least grade 5 before you let them give up.

It’s something like… H is away and I said I’d be at a loose end, so I’d probably learn to hula hoop. Of course, having said that, I had to follow through - I do tend to mean what I say. But the hula hoop I bought in Dartmoor was a kid-sized hoop and that doesn’t work, so I had to make my own, so I bought the bits on Monday night and made it on Tuesday night, although it’s falling apart a bit now because I couldn’t get the right sort of pipe joiners that I needed so it uses good ol’ gaffer tape.

The Wizard of Oz thing is because someone asked when I’d last seen the Wizard of Oz and I said that it was a couple of months ago (although I saw The Wiz more recently), but then she said that’s good because she thought I might say I’d never heard of it like when she asked something about Peanut Butter Jelly sandwiches and I said I’d never had one.

So I thought I’d combine all three. I think that’s reasonable.

I think the trophy looks much better on our side of the pub.

I also think my phone camera isn’t very good.

The sign reads something like:

We’ve got the trophy cos we is far more cleverer than wot they is.

There was a great bit of teamwork between my old Computing teacher and me… I remembered that the person who performs divination by watching birds was an augur (information put into my brain exactly once in 1987 during my Latin lessons and not used since)… he transformed that into the correct answer of augury.

When the machine said “If you are happy with your photo, press the green button” I disobeyed it and pressed the button anyway.

Is anyone happy with their passport photo?

Sign removal ‘to cost thousands’

The American Adventure at Ilkeston shut down 10 months ago but 40 signs for the attraction are still in place.

Derbyshire County Council estimates it would cost at least £25,000 to remove and replace all the signs.

The 4m by 4m “direction” signs have several destinations, including American Adventure, on them.

Some of the signs, which can weigh hundreds of pounds and need lifting equipment to move them, are located on roads in neighbouring counties including Staffordshire and Nottinghamshire.

Have these people never heard of gaffer tape? Tchoh! I’ll do it for £10,000.

There is something magical about pottering about feeding your houseplants first thing in the morning with Debussy’s Rêverie playing.

or maybe I’m in love

I hereby award 10 points to The Guillemots for preserving the art of dynamic range on their album Through The Windowpane.

In this world of iPods in noisy environments, it’s so tempting for bands to compress their dynamic range to an unexpressive plateau. However, this album has some real adrenaline surging crescendos.